I have a special treat for you today: a guest blog written by the very witty Chad.
Many a Sandbar regular is familiar with Frank, probably even more of you than actually realize it. Frank comes to The Sandbar to do two things: drink Guinness, and kick butt at video crack (that’s the innocuous looking, soul-sucking box that sits on the end of the bar taunting your quarters with it’s gaping slot.)
If Frank is not playing trivia, it means that he’s content with the outrageously high scores he’s cataloged, and he’s just happy to sit back, watch the poor wretches mindlessly chase his high score, and consume Guinness as if in training for the tippy cup Olympics.
It was only a matter of time before such resolute consistency and determination came to the attention of the academic world and was put under a sociological experiment. The following is a re-enactment of an actual conversation Frank had with the bartender at Henry’s, just up the street from The Sandbar.
Bartender (dropping an olive into a $12 martini):
So, Frank, did you know you were unwittingly a participant in a sociology experiment?
Frank (dutifully downing a Guinness and limbering up his trivia finger):
Most things I participate in are unwitting.
Bartender (gingerly mixing a Cosmo and taking Frank’s keys):
Yeah, my sociology class had a project that required us to go into social settings around town and record our observations. A girl in my class came back and reported that she went into The Sandbar to observe and record. Not unlike the voyages of Star Trek, she was required only to observe and not interfere. Her notes indicated that in half an hour, the bar patron she observed played trivia and consumed three Guinness, while never once speaking to the bartender, simply sliding the empty glass to the edge of the bar. I heard that and I knew it had to be you!
Frank (nodding knowingly):
So, how did her report go?
Bartender (adding a sprig to something):
Well, one of the keys to sociology is being social, and since you didn’t actually interact with anyone, she got a do-over.
We at The Sandbar, however, believe the study to still be ongoing, so be on the lookout for studious looking persons with notebooks playing trivia and ordering Guinness.
Frank is actually quite eloquent once you get past his bohemian facade. And the staff at the SB know how to read the body language of their thirsty patrons without the cumbersome spoken word. If that college girl could translate the subtleties of a simple bar crowd, she would have her doctoral degree in the time it takes to pour a nice cool Guinness. Well written, Chadwick.
you’re up next, brother p. write me something!
I actually got kicked out of the Tippy Cup Olympics last year for taking “performance enhancing substances”, namely food and water. Some of you may have seen the scandal coverage on CNN. Luckily, Lindsay Lohan did something stupid again and took over the news cycle.
well, frank, you’re up after brother pants.
observe something funny at the sandbar and write me a story.
and just for the record, i’d rather hear about you in the news than ms. lohan.
But I definitely don’t want to see Frank dressed (or undressed) like Marilyn Monroe!
Frank is so famous…